artistic process and survival (diary #7)
Thinking about my art process. I think traditionally I have thought about drawing around sketching lines and filling in with color. But I believe a more fulfilling process for me is more laying down color and finding lines within it.
Creating shape.
I find a lot of joy in creating abstract and whimsical art and this is something I would like to make my life.
Making art as a career is definitely a struggle. I think the hardest part is not necessarily marketing my art - but rather having the confidence in it enough to market it.
I think for any sort of success it requires a bit of fake it til you make it. You have to write like people already love what you write in order to even get it out there. You have to believe your art is valuable in order to actually sell it. At least for me - I have a hard time feeling the value in anything I create without the acknowledgement from others.
It feels like a flaw to me.
Shouldn't the act of doing be enough reward in itself? I feel like a broken person, and like my interests and passions must not be Real if I can not just - create without seeking validation.
I have had large readership and worked with large publications before. But the work I was making felt so soulless. I want to be authentic in everything I do, but that is antithetical to the capitalist machine and surviving in it.
So how do I survive without part of me being taken away?